quiet the noise
a couple of months ago, i was able to finally quiet the noise in my head.
you see, i have been doing my job for quite some time now, and it has rewired my brain to perform in what i call now autopilot. with that, it has also robbed me from the ability to find the inspiration to build the things that speak to me, to build the things that feel like me, because the noise has become too distracting.
for some time now i needed to learn how to disconnect, to rewire the fuel of creativity, to rediscover my own taste outside of any influence, but so far all attempts have not succeeded or lasted, until may.
i visited the countryside of England with Chris. he was showing me around the town he lived in, and introduced me to the people that became friends and family.
during this trip, the noise tried to follow me. but i couldn’t do anything with it, part of it because working internationally is frowned upon, mostly because i did not bring work with me.
i thought it would make taking a break from it easier, but it didn’t. it felt extremely uncomfortable, uneasy, and anxious. it felt wrong to feel this way, because i can recognize something inside of me with the desire to make things, to build things, but for some reason it gets connected back to work, and that is because it is the only place i have been focused on this.
it was truly a moment of reflection, of re-evaluation.
by the third day, between fish and chips and afternoon teas, brownie bites and photowalks, the noise was no longer there. i was able to start writing again.
i found myself getting once again inspired by the life i was living in the moment. by the people and the conversations. by the places and the memories being created.
on one conversation, we discussed player cards. not a new topic, but one that i was able to think deeply for the first time. the aspect of motion came to mind, the visual effect of a special card when it is tilted, what led to the player card.
the topic was in theme, we were back in London for MCM, a comic con event Chris was attending, and meeting more friends who have been there since day one of Chris cosplay experience.
my breaking the ice question became: “what is your most memorable cosplay of Chris?” which always ended up with wholesome stories, laughs, inside jokes, and reminiscing.
but also, it gave me a new purpose for the player card, which at that time was just a card that tilts. what if they become cosplay player cards, rank by popularity.
from there what followed was: a reusable component with motion a site built with React/Vite; host in Vercel a color palette defined within tailwind an opportunity for whimsy.
against the noise that was waiting for me back home, i found my way to focus on the craft and the inspiration, and the project made it out of the local repo in time for the next con.
they say if you ask God for patience, it will give you situations to build it. the environment that creates the noise it is still there, but i found something within that is teaching me how to quiet it.
from there, a list of more ideas has accumulated. ideas for me, for those i love, ideas that are being asked to exist. create for the joy of the process. it makes me excited to be back here.
see it live at https://chriscarthern.com/shinobi
Jess